I think it is only relevant to post this article (and title) because of my yesterday’s one.
Today I felt like the dumbest person on earth. In fact, I must have been that one for a few hours. After a successful start of the day, upgrading a couple of outdated dependencies and pushing another PR (#win), I was like “hell yeah, bring it on” mode. And my colleague did bring it on. Only that when he brought it on, it felt like this
And I’m pretty sure that at some point, it turned out to be like this
And then freeze. Literally freeze. This is when the impostor syndrome kicks in, I start questioning my own intelligence and capabilities, I wonder why am I here, I should reveal my “true” self. Bla bla bla. For a moment, I hated my life. Strong words. But real for that time being.
And that moment, I was embarrassed to ask for help – because I asked already a zillion of times. I stand up, and I go for a coffee. I even treat myself with a praline cookie to sweeten my mood. I return to my desk and I say with lots (?) of confidence “ok I have a couple of questions because I feel lost”. Simple as that. My colleague – full of patience as always – helped me get unstuck and then I had the control again. Only for a bit before I entered in a non-stop loop without even realising. And I stared at my screen, and chewed a straw and chew it again – like a giraffe showing off her biting ability.
Some days aren’t gonna be that good. Some days things won’t click. We all know that. Do we really accept it? Or do we beat ourselves up? We need to recognise when this happens and aggressively change our environment; change location (in or out the office), take a break and/or some calories, change the way to communication, ask for different means of help, seek for a different direction. Try to figure out what makes the current environment faulty. And what makes oneself less effective.
With these thoughts and lessons I’m saying bye bye to today. I feel blessed for having this growth opportunity lying before my eyes and being fed to grow. Tomorrow will be better ❤
At Honeycomb.tv, every software engineer can choose one day in a month to contribute towards themselves first and towards the company indirectly. That is, to invest one day into learning something new; let it be a new framework, tool or language.
After covering onboarding 101, setting up all accounts and having a delicious burrito for lunch on Monday; it was time to get my hands dirty. Not with a burrito anymore, rather with learning Elixir.
So today, I arrived in the office with the usual creepy smile, found the official Elixir Getting Started guide and started absorbing knowledge and becoming a real jedi.
I usually tend to ramble about what I learnt, but at this moment my eyes are dictating my focus and limit it to zero. It’s time to sleep (I might come back and fill this blank when my brain gets teased with some sleep).
Bon nuit my brain.
Today it was like first day at school 👩🎓.
I found my outfit from the night before, prepared my snack box (which I ended up forgetting), I even put on that huge smile that makes me look like a 16-year-old. Happy times!
I love new beginnings.
They are like new year’s resolutions, a new page, an adrenaline boost, a motive to form a new habit, a series of chances to meet a diverse bunch of people, make friends, learn, contribute. Isn’t it exciting?
This time is even more special for me;
I decided to focus. And I left the infant-stage startup village for the series-A startup town. Things are a bit different now. I’m not the only tech cowgirl here. I joined a neighborhood of ~12 cowboys and gals. One of them is showing me the streets, how things work in this town, what are the laws and legalities. It’s exciting to move from a place where I was creating the streets and setting up the rules, to a place where there’s an infrastucture, rules are being reinforced and it’s time to make new streets, build new buildings and change the rules accroding to the scalability of the town.
What is this page about?
It’s about keeping track of my progress in this new journey.
It’s about getting used to share my thoughts with little polish.
It’s about learning not to worry too much about what others think.
It’s about Maria’s brain dump really.
* All thoughts are mine unless I state otherwise.